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Restless Ego

by City Light Mosaic

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Includes unlimited streaming of Restless Ego via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
City Light Mosaic: Trapped in a blue car, no light at the dashboard Four hours since sundown, four hours till I mourn Can't trust a single webcam, can't trust a single storefront My mind is kind of scattered, my thoughts always battle Always see shadows where they don’t show, and i can’t look back or they’ll all know I know they’re there even if they hide, my ears still ring - my mouth feels dry Don’t sleep real well because I’m scared, train cars turn beds unless I stand Just want to see the sun again, but they shut it down - so I’d give in PK Shellboy: broken doors, shattered glass can you find me on the floor, scattered past you're right behind me in the corner of my(your) eye i(you) see your(my) shadow watching over me(you) as i(you) lose every battle all this weight upon me(you) tied up to my(your) saddle show me the way zombAe: Land face first into a mirror hope I break with the glass. Tear apart the shards dig through my medicine rack. The pain rains from my face I fall flat on my back, gone. Broken glass my tabernacle as I open the capsule. It's a hard pill to swallow, and the action feels hollow. And my face feels aflame, I want to scream, keep my mouth closed. suck down the placebo. Pray for a panagea. That my desire to subscribe to society's likeness disappears. My denial of life's spontaneity, eyes to tears. And there's spiderwebs around the light inside me fighting fear. born to be corrupt Molded by my blood And I've got weight on my shoulders That an Atlas couldn't shrug. Crying in the bathroom, lying on my glass tomb. Crumbling like sand when they built me as the last dune. IN A LAST DITCH OF SPITE GRIP A SHARD AS A KNIFE AND HOLD IT UP TO THE NECK OF THE BEAST IN PLAIN SIGHT
2.
City Light Mosaic: I’m sick of the sounds you make Wanna free fall with a sub full crank I’m sick of the way you look Always look so god damn shook Haven't seen myself get like this Never ripped off my own skin I’m heading down a dark path I’m falling to a firey death I don’t wanna be the bearer of bad news / But I don’t need you Murrumur: ice swarms up my neck drowned in wine suffocated orb of light consumes the mind of fire and oil the fumes I'm blind the birds they swarm round my corpse my scars torn off destroy my marks expelling bile and snuffed from life gone a while a puzzle of strife I can't stand being with you It's like my body's full of poison Maybe I should skin you Because my blood's boiling I can't stand being with you (I think that if you hated me it'd be a little easier) It's like my body's full of poison Maybe I should skin you (You're nothing but a memory I wish to get away from here) Because my blood's boiling
3.
I clench my fists I want to breathe I see statues in the treelines I got ten tons on my sheets
4.
[Untitled] 01:31
For years I’ve tried to wash my hands, but some stains never fade Whenever I think I’ve dried my hands, I resubmurge in paint I don’t know how to open my eyes, I haven’t slept in weeks Whenever I look at the back of my eyes, I only see your face Your blood has marked my face, it has become part of my ego I need to close the blinds, I need a nice warm pillow I need help, I need help, I need help, I need help
5.
City Light Mosaic: The divine principle of all principles I'll see you in the air tonight We will dance I will embrace you One last time We will dance, we will dance I feel sleep I'm in here In warm seams I'm in deep Farboro: A translucent man put a book at my feet and watched me as I read it three times in a row. As I read, man became city and translucent became fleetingly tangible. growing, but fading, city became everything. I refused to accept it. I laid down on my floor for days, spending everything on my eyelids. There was only one place I wanted to be, and I knew, at some level, it would let me in. But I don't know if I can close my eyes yet. I wont be able to defend myself. What happens if I want to leave. My stomach hurts.
6.
I wish my legs were made of glass, so when I land they’d shatter into a million pieces. It’d be a beautiful spectacle for you all. Everything I make I want to destroy, there’s so much I want to make. There's so much I want to make. I wish you could hear, the sound of my scream, but my scream isn’t loud enough. I wish you could hear the sound of my breath, but your ear isn’t close enough. I wish that my legs were made of glass, so when I land I'd shatter into a million pieces. It’d be my final show for you all. I wish my arms were made of flames, so I could set off every wick in sight. Not knowing where it leads. I wish the glass shards from my legs, covered the floor for you to all step on. I see everything you make, I want to tear it to shreds. I want to tear myself to shreds. I wish my body combusted, in a bright flash that would take out a city. These aren’t thoughts. They’re just the things that my mind comes up with. I wish you could hear the sound of my scream. But there’s no scream I can let out that loud. Wish my legs would shatter to a million pieces that lay upon the ground. And I want you to pick them all up. It’d be my final performance. I wish I’d become a massive blaze, that the entire universe would see. I want to create something beautiful, and I want to destroy it. I want to destroy everything I’ve ever made. I don’t know why I just do.

about

City Light Mosaic's sophomore LP is an abrupt and jarring departure from the ethereal soundscapes and dreamy tones of his previous album, Indigo City Burning.

Restless Ego is both abrasive and unnerving, taking on a variety of styles through a dark, twisted lens. Running at a tight-knit six tracks, this album is easily City Light Mosaic's most focused project to date, while still pulling from a variety of styles and influences. The producer's eclectic nature shines through here, going from Industrial Hip-Hop or Gabber to Dark Ambient and Free Jazz, often in the same track.

Taking on the role of director, City Light Mosaic carefully curates a variety of features from Avant-Folk musicians, to Fax Gang's PK Shellboy. Each feature plays out more like an actor being cast in a film, rather than a music collaborator.

Restless Ego is a manic and chaotic interpretation of paranoia, anxiety, and self-destructive idealization. A truly ambitious album and certainly a big shift from the ambient producer's previous outings.

credits

released March 26, 2021

All songs produced by City Light Mosaic, except Statues which was produced by City Light Mosaic and Tektra

Artwork by PB

Mixed and Mastered by Phonebox, except Statues and [Untitled] which were mixed by City Light Mosaic

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Hidden in Plain Sight features Clarinet and Saxophone played by Krullebol & Keyboard played by Saint Misery

Grace of Gore features backing vocals by Andrew-Andrew!

Heat Death features samples of drumming played by Ciaran Galati

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City Light Mosaic Boston, Massachusetts

The Indigo Sleeper

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